How Strong Are You Really?

Hey y'all! Welcome to Shar Blonde & Strong! My name is Sharada (Shar to my nearest and dearest). I dare say the blonde bit is glaringly obvious. However the key word here is STRONG!

My faith in strength and love are what bore this blog and will be a recurring theme throughout, so welcome and hope you enjoy! Now a little bit about the woman behind the blog name…

After thirty years of explaining how to pronounce, spell and the origins of my name at every new introduction, I am now almost exclusively known as Shar...except when I'm in trouble haha.

Sharada is the name of the Hindu goddess of creative arts and knowledge. It was chosen by my father who studied yoga for decades along with my mother in Southern California where I was privileged to be born and raised for the first 14 years of my life… but that is definitely a story for a completely different blog on another day!

Having such a rare name has been both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, it’s unique. I never have to worry about having that awkward moment when you meet someone with the same name.

It also accurately reflects parts of my true nature. Creativity and learning light me up from the inside out. I always feel most at peace and fulfilled when practicing elements of both in my life.

On the other hand, I’ve still never found anything with my name on it in a souvenir store! Although I may have more luck in India so I’ve been told... thanks, Dad!

From my photos, I’d hope the ‘blonde’ part is glaringly obvious. But what about ‘strong’? Strength is an interesting thing. Like most people, my life has been full of challenges… some more devastating and traumatic than others… but I survived! I would say I’m strong… in a multitude of ways... I am a survivor.

Being Strong Isn’t About How Much Weight You Can Lift

In my experience, it is not just physical strength that is imperative to survival. In fact, I’d say physical strength is just the icing on the cake. Strength of character, mind, body, spirit, emotional resilience, patience and faith… these are what really determine how strong you are!

It seems so many people think of strength as only being a physical attribute. Something to be trained and developed in a gym. As a qualified personal trainer and nutritionist, I am a massive advocator of training your body to be healthy, strong and functional! This kind of strength supports you to live an active life!

However I believe the body is only one part of who we are. The vessel that houses our true selves... our souls if you will. How many of us actually take the time to feed our souls and strengthen our mental, emotional and spiritual 'muscles'?

How can we expect to be strong enough to endure all the challenges life throws at us if all we do is build physical strength? That would make us no more than a hard shell encasing a soft unstable centre... basically a creme egg!

And as tasty as they are, apply any real pressure to that beautifully formed chocolate exterior and you've got a hot mess on your hands! Who we are cannot be determined by our physicality alone!

Strength is an Inside Job

So how strong are you really? Think about it. If you woke up tomorrow and were completely debilitated, who would you be? Would you still be you? Would you have the strength of character, mind, emotional resilience to overcome your physical limitations and still identify as yourself?

Would you feel lost, broken, hopeless, helpless, less than, unable to express your true self? Or would you still have the capacity to give and receive love, laugh, cry and change the world with you thoughts, actions, words?

You only have to look at someone like Stephen Hawking to know it's possible! However I can tell you from firsthand experience, it's much harder than you might think!

This is where the real hard work started. As I said, strength is an inside job. No one can do it for you. But it CANNOT be done alone!

When you have placed all your importance on physical strength and external factors, suffering the loss of any of these can lead to a diminished sense of purpose and self-worth, depression, anxiety and other mental health problems.

This is something I have experienced a number of times throughout my life. The two most memorable times were the 9 years I suffered with a brain tumour and epilepsy followed by a severe back injury.

Again these are both stories for another day. But the underlying theme is the same. Because I had always been active and placed so much of my worth on being physically active, productive, ‘strong’, once these were taken from me, I did not know who I was. I felt lost and broken.

How Do You Build Inner Strength?

This is where the real hard work started. As I said, strength is an inside job. No one can do it for you. But it CANNOT be done alone!

At my lowest, I remember feeling like being dead would be easier than having to live another day feeling the way I did. Luckily something inside me decided to reach out instead…

But I had no idea where to begin! So began to contact anyone and everyone I knew who I thought might be able to help me. And help me they did!

It wasn't easy. My entire way of thinking and in turn my behaviour had to change. I had to learn how to submit, let go of my fear, trust and have faith in the unknown, be willing to accept help, set boundaries, be less reactive, more loving, tolerant and kind, be brutally honest with myself about my character defects and practice these new skills vigilantly.

Like with forming any new habit, it took DAILY commitment and consistency. Every morning I did daily readings and meditation.

Throughout the day when stressful situations arose, I practiced mindfulness or contacted a friend to talk things through, gain a different perspective.

Evenings I made a gratitude list and sent loving thoughts to the people in my life and those I may have had issue with that day. (I know that sounds crazy, but sending love to someone you're mad at is an act of self love. Forgiveness is for your peace of mind, not theirs.)

I also had a wonderful group of like minded people I met with once a week. These friends were my saviours, my rock! We acted as a support system and kept each other accountable by sharing what had happened in our lives that week, the thinks we did well and the things we needed to improve on.

Building inner strength, much like physical strength, is a DAILY habit. Only do the work sometimes and you'll only feel OK sometimes. Do the work everyday and you have a much stronger foundation to weather the storms life throws at you.

Reconnecting with myself, becoming more aware of who I truly was deep down, not just the fearful person I became after all my traumas, was life-changing. It was and still is the only reason I survive the toughest times and continue to grow.

Here are just a few of the things you can do to start building mental, emotional and spiritual strength today:

• Reach out. Talk to someone. Be open and honest about how you are feeling. (This is never easy but it is vital!)

• Practice Mindfulness and meditation

• Practice gratitude (make a list of 3 things daily or an A-Z list)

• Move your body – walk, jog, gym, swim, yoga… anything that you enjoy

• Find a support group (There are hundreds out there!)

• Spend time with loved ones

• Help someone else in need – giving love, kindness and service to others is one of the best ways of giving to yourself (Sounds crazy, but trust me!)

• Read / Listen to an inspirational podcast

• Learn something new – hobby, skill, language, educate yourself

• Be creative – draw, dance, sing, paint, design, cook… the list is endless

• Do something that makes you truly happy! Something that lights you up from the inside out! (For me this is dancing, singing and being in nature. If you don’t know what those things are for you, experiment!)

• Get outside in nature

• Take care of yourself – have a candlelit bath, book a massage or beauty treatment

• Organise yourself – an oganised wardrobe, office, work space, kitchen, diary is a form of self-love and self-worth. Your environment is a reflection of how you feel about yourself and what you believe you deserve!

• Get dressed, put your makeup on, make an effort with your appearance even if you don’t want to! (Remember, the external is a reflection of how you feel internally – this can be influenced both ways!)

• Learn to let go

• Keep a journal

• Get to know yourself better – Try new things. Experiment. Ask yourself what you like/dislike. Write it down. You may be surprised at what you find.

Stronger Together

It’s my belief that we come into this life to learn lessons which enable us to grow and become the best possible version of ourselves.

For me, learning how to reconnect with my true self, the person I was born on this planet to be before being affected by the trauma and bullshit life threw at me, has been the most significant lesson to date!

It is a lifelong lesson that will never fully be learnt! But it is the key to self-worth, fulfillment, abundance and limitless joy in my life so will keep working at it every damn day!

The purpose of my blog is to connect with people by candidly sharing my past, present and future experiences in the hope something resonates with even one person. If anyone finds strength and hope in their own situation through my journey, it is worth it.

Wherever possible, links to appropriate support services relating to blog topics will also be added in order to provide further support.

Life is all about love and connection... We are stronger together x